- Decent essay
- Accurate writing
- Attempted to write both sides of the story
- No conclution
- Needs to be longer
- More examples
- Dont repeat the same type of points for the different types of media
Monday 30 September 2013
MOCK ESSAY feedback
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Monday 16 September 2013
weekly ndm story
We have abandoned our children to the internet
Story
A year ago I walked into my kitchen to find half a dozen teenagers there, each one engrossed with their own private screen in silence. I realised it had been months since I'd seen a teenager without a computer or smartphone in their hand. I decided there and then to make a film on the subject, the beginning of a year-long journey that took me from the fibre-optic cables in the sewers of London to spending endless, unedifying hours in bedrooms of teenage boys as they watched porn.
i personally agree with this with this article becasue so many teenagers cant live without their phones and also even adults cant go a day without using electronic devices. Many people have become attatched to these devices that they depend of them.
Story
A year ago I walked into my kitchen to find half a dozen teenagers there, each one engrossed with their own private screen in silence. I realised it had been months since I'd seen a teenager without a computer or smartphone in their hand. I decided there and then to make a film on the subject, the beginning of a year-long journey that took me from the fibre-optic cables in the sewers of London to spending endless, unedifying hours in bedrooms of teenage boys as they watched porn.
i personally agree with this with this article becasue so many teenagers cant live without their phones and also even adults cant go a day without using electronic devices. Many people have become attatched to these devices that they depend of them.
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